My name is Amara, I am 25 and I think I might be in one of those toxic relationship people talk about. I won’t go into much details but here is the breakdown of my love life presently. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year, that is if I don’t count all the major and minor breakups we have been through in between. We fight a lot, I mean a whole lot. My friends say its not healthy to continue with this relationship because most times when we fight we get really violent with each other. Thereafter we make up again and its usually epic. We have spoken about this severally because we know its not a good thing to do with someone you claim to love but we just can’t help it. Leaving him is not an option either because I don’t think anyone can handle my type of craziness. Please what can we do?
From Enugu.
Dear Amara,
Love is one of the most intense emotions human beings are privileged to feel. This is why it is very easy to switch to the other side of that feeling where you can easily get angry with someone you claim to love and even cause them physical harm. I usually don’t advise that people remain in violent relationships because one day things might get out of hand and explanations may come too late. But in your instance, I am glad you and your boyfriend both know something is wrong and it needs to be fixed.
First of all, understand that causing each other physical or bodily harm is not an act of love and it shouldn’t be encourage even if you find the make up addictive. You need to know that your situation is potentially life-threatening and seeing a therapist or counsellor to put things in perspective for you may be a good choice. Also a little time apart to better understand the value you both have for each other may be a good thing as they say ‘overfamiliarity breeds contempt.’ Most importantly work on yourself individually and work on handling your tempers especially. Allowing your emotions rule you I believe leads to all your violent episodes. And lastly don’t just do it for yourselves, if you want a future together, then you need to start thinking about the kids you might have together now. Aunty Aurora.
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